Hesitant Wig Wearer

The other day I bought a piece of cake and it was stale. I did not complain and it was hard. It was painful to not complain. Pre quarantine I was getting really good at complaining or as I like to call it - speaking up. When food I ordered wasn’t up to snuff, I would address it. If I felt talk time in a conversation was unfair, I would point it out. Stuff like that.
Now, you can’t complain about shit. Nothing is a justified complaint.
I don’t think complaining is gonna come back for a while.
I was just getting in on the game.Now it’s back to keeping it all inside.
Swearing at people internally, which is not healthy, I might add.
I’ll never go back to bitching about how long my meal is taking to get to the table.
My momentum is gone.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it will take one long gap between appetizer and entree to have me waving down the waiter. I can’t imagine speaking up being as satisfying with a mask on.
Nothing is.
I got an ice coffee today and tried to put the straw underneath my mask to take a sip and decided to just wait til I got home. Well really I said “I’ll just fucking wait” because it was annoying. I wanted to go for a walk and drink my ice coffee and chill out but I had to deal with the tedious task of getting my straw under my mask without my mask popping off my face. Now I feel bad bitching about it.
I’m glad I got to speak up for the time I had. It felt good to voice my gripes. I don’t regret increasing my complaint time pre quarantine.
My biggest regret is not wearing wigs. I always wanted to be the type of girl who wore wigs but I never had the courage. I was more concerned with other people’s opinion of me in a wig. I mean would people like me better or worse in a wig? I don’t know. I think my apprehension would be hard to hide. I don’t want to be high strung in a wig. Also, I don’t want to be defined by it.
I know girls who wear wigs, it’s one of the first qualities I think of. She wears wigs.
I mean what is the big deal with me and wigs? I don’t get that way with caftans. I will wear the shit out of a caftan. Some people might be afraid to wear one. Not me.
It’s just weirder to come out of quarantine as a new wig wearer.
How do I want to come out of quarantine?
I want people to say “Wow, your skin is glowing” and “You are funnier than I remember”
I don’t want to have to chase people down “Hey hey hey we are friends! You don’t recognize me because I am living my life the way I want to live it- in a wig…. Oh sorry I thought you were Susan”
What if I start wearing wigs and don’t like it after all. Then it’s a whole phase I went through that people know about.
“Remember when Kendra was wearing all those wigs?”
“Oh yeah, her face was always sweaty”
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn. She is the proud owner of a $3000 bed where she eats, drinks, and occasionally entertains.
twitter @theotherkendra
Instagram @theotherkendra
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